Wednesday, November 25, 2015

I Got a Wave Today

Earlier, I posted about the Wheeled Waving Man of Welch Road. He was out there this morning, sending me off on a long holiday weekend.

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Monday, November 23, 2015

In The Afterglow of a Foursome with Himself

Sir Richard Branson demonstrates the new cubby bed, where you can sit in a corner and work or read, not disturbing the other three people in the bed. These beds are in the new Virgin Hotel Chicago, and more locations will be springing up around the country.

In fairness to the art director on this shoot, there was no better way to demonstrate the function of the bed. (Except, of course, a family with two kids. Dad or mom in the corner, kids and the other parent watching TV.) Any other combination of people would've been pornographic.

"Two men and two women?"


"Four guys?"


"Four women?"

"Well...I could see that, but no."

"Let's get Richard to be all four people!"

"Genius, because what would Richard like more than himself? Three more Richards!"


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Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Suck In Your Cheeks More, Daniel

Pouty male model is not a good look for a suave spy. Or maybe you're just Daniel Craig for this ad, Hollywood A-lister who happens to sport an Omega? That can't be, because your movie is part of the ad. So you're in character for the ad. Or maybe Daniel Craig as James Bond always looks like this? Holy crap! He does!

(And it's not a "watch," peasants, it's a timepiece, or better yet, a chronograph.)

There were many Bonds before you, Danny Boy. Keep that in mind.

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Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Anthony Bourdain Discovers Drunk Food

It's all over the Internet, so I might as well comment on it as well.

These two are wasted, no question, and of course that's what Waffle House is all about. But the way this thing is making the rounds of social media has me suspicious. Because I'm that way.

But Bourdain's gushing doesn't stop there. He appears on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert to promote his CNN show about, what else? What Bourdain shows are always about. Anthony Bourdain going around the world eating and drinking and talking about what a badass New Yorker he is, (basically, being a brash and obnoxious tourist) longing for the days when NYC was all junkies and whores and the sidewalks smelled of urine and there was a chance that any night in Manhattan you might be knifed or raped, before that bastard Giuliani kicked out all those colorful people and made it safe for (hocks up giant phlegm ball and spits with derision) TOURISTS. But there's something disingenuous about the way he goes into Waffle House spokesman here.


I smell Waffle House behind this. I'll never prove that. But there's way too much press behind this supposedly "real" moment for there not to also be some money behind it.

And that's fine if Bourdain is being paid to shill for Waffle House. Just be upfront about it.

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The Dave Mark

I don't want to Art Direct, but...yes I do.

So the other day I came up with a logo for myself.

Using one symbol.

Flip it upside down, it's the same.

Turn it around backwards, it's sort of the same. But not really. Nevermind that.

Greater Than.



Less Than.

OK, enough trying to assign meaning to it. What I like is that it's my name spelled with no actual letters.

I present...the mark.

So, all you REAL Art Directors, Designers, Junior Designers, Associate Creative Directors and Production Artists, feel free to tell me where this falls short. I'm used to it. As I've always said, I know just enough Photoshop to completely frustrate a real designer.

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Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Subject Line: Fall Into Savings

Yes, they went there. NICE WORK, Grainger.

But the bad copy doesn't stop there...

Rake in! Get it? 
But you're wondering what that free gift might be after you spend $299, aren't you?

I did the research for you. Get ready, 'cause this is a MIND BLOWER...

Aw, yeah!

Oh, and there's this:

1. Offer valid for the intended recipient only and may not be combined with any other promotions or price discounts.
2. Offer applies to online purchases only for orders shipped within the 48 contiguous United States.
3. The qualifying purchase for the Oversized Steak Knife Set is defined as a single order that totals $299 or more (excluding tax and freight) on
4. Purchases placed on Grainger Repair Parts Order Form, Custom Sign Center, Custom Filter Center, and sourced or special order items do not qualify for this offer.
5. Customers participating in the Grainger for Your eProcurement Solutions program do not qualify for this offer.
6. Limit one promotional item per qualified Customer, per account.
7. Purchases must be received by Grainger (and a Full Rights user must approve the purchase) between 12:01 a.m. CT Oct. 28, 2015 and 11:59 p.m. CT on Nov. 24, 2015.
8. To receive the free gift, you MUST include the promotional code in the Promotion Code Box on the order form.
9. Quantities are limited and are available while supplies last; in the event that supplies are exhausted, Grainger may substitute an item of similar value.
10. The approximate retail value of the Oversized Steak Knife Set is $30.35.
11. The promotional item will be shipped separately from your purchase.
12. Please allow 6-8 weeks after promotion end date for delivery.
13. If entering a trade promotion or acceptance by you of a free gift is a violation of your company’s policies, do not participate in this promotion.
15. Government and Healthcare employees are not eligible for free offers. Employees of W.W. Grainger, Inc. and its subsidiaries and affiliates are not eligible for free items.
16. purchases are subject to Grainger’s Terms of Sale.
17. Grainger and are registered trademarks of W.W. Grainger, Inc.
18. For more information regarding any of the trademarks used herein, please go to our Terms of Access, Trademarks Section of our website.

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Tuesday, November 10, 2015

The Wheeled Waving Man of Welch Road

Most mornings this man can be seen on my commute. He sits on this little scooter thing in his driveway and waves to cars. Not all cars. I haven't figured out how he selects which cars are granted his wave, and I have sometimes not received one. This morning I didn't. He appears to be sleeping today.

Why does he do it? I've no idea. Maybe he sees it as some sort of community outreach, a ministry of sorts. Maybe he is just spreading cheer and goodwill to the people about to cut each other off as the two lanes merge to one and the morning cursing of our fellow man begins. Short of interviewing him, I will never know his motive. At any rate, I usually wave to him. 

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Wednesday, November 04, 2015

OK, It's Getting Bad

Every morning. Every night. Every time I'm on the road. People having to use their horns to alert the person at the front of the line at the light that it's time to get their head out of their lap and drive. People drifting into my lane. I pass them and they make no attempt to disguise the fact that they are actively engaged with their phone on the steering wheel. Truckers even, on narrow roads with construction all around, drifting left and right.

It's an epidemic. Don't know what's going to come of it, but it's only getting worse.

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