Toyota On The Hot Seat Because Their Trucks Are Good

Counter-terrorism officials want to know why ISIS dudes are tooling around in Toyota trucks.

Let me save you the trouble, US Officials.

Toyota trucks are good. I own one. A 2015 Tacoma. Love it.

If you are suggesting that Toyota is somehow in league with ISIS, (and it seems like you are) that's just so much bullshit.

Do they sell Toyotas in Syria? How about Iran? Iraq? Saudi Arabia? Turkey?

I'm guessing...yes?

That's where they got them.

Do you think Toyota execs are loving it every time an image of one of their vehicles is featured in the news with a band of ISIS dudes kicking up dust across the desert with a black flag and a 50 caliber machine gun in the bed? Naw...probably not. And I'm sure they frown on the way they overload the bed. You're not even supposed to ride back there!

Now, if Ford wants to jump in here, or Chevy, and make some counter-claim in their advertising, something along the lines of, "Terrorists Rarely Drive Our Trucks," that's probably fair game.

No foul here, America. Just a good truck.

Addendum: THIS is How You Do Social Media

In my last post, I lambasted local car dealer David Maus for his Star Trek outfit. I alerted my Twitter followers to that post. Someone at David Maus caught wind of that and responded.

Now, they could've gone the corporate route of, "@Jetpacks, sorry you didn't like our commercials. Please DM me and let's see if we can resolve this situation."

Instead they went with humor. Detractor de-fanged and diffused, slightly amused. Observe:

Now, if I'd been an actual customer with a legitimate complaint like, "David Maus screwed me on my trade-in," or "David Maus sold me a lemon," then I've no doubt that the social media team would've dealt with me differently, but  THAT, businesses, is how to handle the random rabble on Twitter and Facebook and in the commentariat of YouTube. There's no need to "engage" us. You don't need to provide a solution to the assholes like me who are only out to mock you. Joke with us (while getting a plug in for your product) and we're far more likely to forgive your goofy attempts at marketing and, who knows, maybe consider you the next time we need a new or used car.

The Balance Bracelets Complete the Star Trek Uniform

And a belt-buckle from outer-space. This is David Maus, an Orlando car-dealer who basically owns the airwaves. Every traffic and weather report on the radio is sponsored by him. Every game on TV is interrupted by him. And in his latest ads, featuring his dealership's coffee shop, he sports the freakiest get-up for a car dealer since the checkered blazer. The Double-Point/Smile^TM at the end is Dave's trademark.

The Apology Ad

My first car was a Toyota, a hand-me-down Celica from my Dad. It wasn't mine for very long before I fell asleep at the wheel and rolled it on I-5 in San Diego early one morning. I promptly replaced it with another used Celica, this one a little newer and with one more gear. Since then I've owned two more Toyotas and there's one in the driveway right now. I've been a loyalist I suppose, and have always trusted the company to make long-lasting, reliable vehicles. If I could afford to, I would pay way too much money to own one of the original Land Cruisers, before Land Cruiser got all snotty and shiny and became the preferred truck of snotty, shiny women carting their kids to school.

So now they're recalling how many cars? 8 million? And deaths can be attributed to some manufacturing flaws? How do you rebound from that? Toyota is all over the news in the most embarrassing way a manufacturer can be in the news, with many wondering if they'll ever recover from this blow. In Japan it is being seen as the prelude to the country's post-industrialization era. And while I agree with the company's policy of public apology, (very Japanese of them) I don't like this spot much. They want to "restore your faith in our company" says the voiceover guy who received the following direction: "We need you to sound like you're very sorry, like you're almost crying, like a married politician who got busted having an affair."



Nonetheless, I don't know how you could've done this ad better. They tell the story of a company with a heritage of quality that majorly fucked up and is now working like dogs to fix their fuck-ups and get out of the doghouse. Well, you might've given your voiceover guy a little less simpering wimp intonation and let him read it differently, but whatever, voiceover guys are a dime a dozen. They can easily replace the audio track. 

When you search Toyota on YouTube, you'll find the company has bought the top listing. Another wise move. And leave it to the YouTube comment "community" to let Toyota know how they feel:

"...you can not hide 20 deaths and call your product HIGH QUALITY."

"BUY AMERICAN!"

"Remember Pearl Harbor!"

I can see a day when this bad season is behind Toyota and they are back in form, winning our trust again, but it's going to take something really awesome, like an electric car that goes 500 miles on a charge. Or a jetpack.

It's Now a Part of The Pop Lexicon

At least for the next couple of weeks, which is how pop-culture works these days. It's Toyota's much-maligned "Saved By Zero" commercial set to a re-dubbed GI Joe cartoon. Or maybe that's a re-dubbed GI Joe cartoon set to a "Saved by Zero" commercial. Whatever. Enjoy the random.



Oddly, Universal Music Group refuses to allow embedding of the original video from 80s band The Fixx. You'd think a record label would take any press and exposure it could get in this market. I'm sure The Fixx are enjoying their renewed notoriousness notoriety infamy fame.

Pretty Much Genius

How cool to have been in on the pitch that went, We're gonna create these off-the-wall banners ads for fictitious small businesses that have NOTHING to do with the car and we'll place them everywhere the likely Matrix buyer would visit. They’ll just be weird funny, like "Mr. Squirrel’s Pet Daycare" or "Sakura’s Animal Lingerie" or this one, which plays sportingly on the Soccer Hooligan stereotype of our Anglo cousins. They’ll be so bizarre that people will click on them and then they'll learn all about the Toyota Matrix when they’re directed to the equally off-the-wall yourotheryou website.”

Cooler still would be hearing the client say, "Go for it. Sounds like fun."

Unfortunately, it takes a dedicated detective with plenty of time on their hands to get to the meat of that website. Then again, when you name a car after a cult movie franchise, your demo might be really into finding clues and uncovering secrets.

Expect imitators of crazy wtf banners soon.

Hummers Suck

Just finished reading Robert Kaplan's latest book, "Imperial Grunts," in which Kaplan reveals that Special Forces troops in Afghanistan prefer Toyota's Land Cruiser to the HUMVEE. More manueverable, lest prone to breakdown and just plain more reliable. (Click that link above to read my review of the book.)

I am SICK of seeing H2s all over the place, which are nothing more than glorified Chevy Tahoes, WITHOUT the bed. In addition to thinking they are somehow now associated with the tough image of the military, this ad for the H3 sums up nicely why people keep buying these pieces of crap: "More Chrome. More Luxury." Ho-hum.

Yeah - tell that to the troops in Afghanistan, Hummer. "More Luxury! More chrome! Yeah!" Why don't you concentrate on your initial mission of providing reliable, safe transportation for our troops rather than how cool MC AndreDanger is going to look cruising down the streets of Inner City America or how on-the-prowl divorced Soccer Mom from Suburbia USA will look buying groceries?

Hey, Toyota, isn't it about time we get this information out to the SUV buying masses? Hummers suck.