Post Number 2000

I've tried to make this blog more about quality than quantity. It has been for me, above all, a creative outlet, because we all know how hard it is to actually be creative, even in a supposedly creative industry. (As I tell every "creative," keep a real creative passion on the side just to keep you sane, because you will never fully satisfy your need to create through your work.) 

And with that, I'm putting this blog on indefinite hiatus. It's been a fun four and a half years, but it's time to do some other things. I need to sell a book, or write another couple. I need to land a full-time job*. Or get a degree in architecture. Maybe I'll record some more music. Maybe I'll put a little more effort into some other neglected endeavors. Maybe I'll clean out the attic. It's good to reinvent yourself. Just ask Bowie.

I will still be on Twitter and probably still posting things at Radio Free Babylon. And I might bring this blog back to its regular posting frequency after I've had some time to miss it. As I said, it's a hiatus.

* If you need a résumé, just search the archives of this blog and you'll get a good idea of what I do. I'm entertaining all offers east of the Mississippi. If you still want to play the old-school game of "objective, experience, education," find me on Linked-In.

Cold Call Carl - No. 15

Click for large.

See all the "Cold Call Carl" comics here.

Does Anybody Remember Tilt-Shift?

Funny how quickly things pass. But I still love tilt-shift. My method for creating fake tilt-shift images is very, very simple and fast. Just go to Bing maps and select Bird's Eye view, then blur all but an oval of the image. Time it took to make this image of Gießen, Germany, (one of my homes on my childhood tour of the world growing up as an Army brat) was about 1 minute total. (Click for a better effect)

Tricycle Repo

Why Americans Fail at New Year's Resolutions

In a word: football. How am I supposed to quit smoking, cut back on drinking, ease up on the fatty snacks and grease-soaked goodness when there's a game on this weekend? All those things are as much a part of football as spoiled quarterbacks soliciting unwilling young women for sexual favors. The playoffs are in full swing as the new year begins and you expect me to abandon my season-long tradition of downing a shot of tequila when my team scores? You expect me not to go outside and light a cigarette in frustration when my team does something stupid? Or not go outside and light a cigarette in celebration of my team doing something awesome? Or not crack open a beer to get the taste of tequila out of my mouth? Or not have a cigarette with that beer. And there's half a beer left here; be a shame to drink it without some wings, pizza or nachos. Oh crap, there's more nachos here and my beer's gone; better open another.

Whoever invented the New Year's resolution could not have envisioned a nation whose vices went hand in hand with its national sport. We blame "the Holidays," for our ruined diets and excesses, but our real Holiday doesn't come until early February, when we can unite as a nation around one game. We aren't Christians, Jews, Muslims or atheists during the Super Bowl; we are Babylonian drunkards and gluttons, gathered at the arena's vomitorium so that we might purge ourselves and make room for more wings and beer.

So if you've already failed in your attempts to become a better you, don't blame yourselves, Americans. You belong to a unique place that worships a spectacle the rest of the world will never understand, try though they do. You're a football fan, even if you don't understand the game. The Holiday calendar still applies. Drink like a Greek God. Eat like a Roman Senator. Monday is the start of a New Year.

Coffee With Jesus Volume I, No. 5

Mas grande via clickito

Let Me Be Your Bucket of Cold Water

A local marketing group I'm part of on Linked-In is discussing how to make a video "go viral." I'd weigh in with my point of view, but the seriousness with which they are tackling this subject lets me know that I would once again be the bucket of cold water guy to this group of "professionals" who are every day trying to take on "important" issues, discussing them in the most banal and nauseating terms, all while getting in plugs for their own experience and awesomeness. Yesterday they were talking about how to best "leverage" social and mobile within the new high speed rail trains and stations that are someday going to make traveling to Tampa from Orlando a little easier. I pointed out that the thing won't be done until 2015, if we're very lucky, and to even discuss apps as they exist today in relation to 2015 would be like putting all your ad dollars in MySpace five years ago. As the thing nears completion, maybe we can look to Europe or Asia and find out what they're doing. I was quickly and politely dismissed as "short-sighted" by some "executives" with very serious and professional profile pictures. This has always been my problem among marketers; I tend to tell them they are full of shit and they tend to exclude me from their games. From what I can tell, Linked-In is becoming an incestuous cesspool of blowhards all blowing one another. No one speaks real, they are all there to impress, land consulting or speaking gigs, get jobs and tout how important they are. I realize it's not Facebook, but the masquerade is not something I enjoy. 

Seriously, it's 2011. Are marketing professionals still talking about how to make something "go viral?" Didn't we dispense with this notion a few years ago? It just points to the sinister (or perhaps simply clueless) nature of so many in this business. They approach marketing as "How can we fool you?"

Forgive me if you've heard this before, but here is my marketing philosophy:

Let's not talk about "engaging the consumer." Let's not talk about "maximizing the customer experience." While we're at it, let's avoid a discussion about "interacting with the brand." Let's make it simpler. Let's talk about something else.

Respect. And honesty.

We've lost it. Or maybe we never had it to lose. We still think we can pull the wool over the eyes of our audiences and somehow smooth-talk them into acting. And if we can't smooth-talk them, we'll baffle them with big words and giant promises that are cleverly covered by the legal department with fine print denoted by an asterisk.

People sense it. They know it when they see or hear it. And believe it or not, the principles of Respect and Honesty can even be applied in the most shameful advertising known to man; Direct Mail.

There. I've just given away my secrets. I guess you won't need me now for creative consulting.

(I'm actually holding another couple cards up my sleeve, but really, those two are the Aces.)

Or maybe I'm just in the wrong line of work.

A Thousand People Freezing Their Butts Off Waiting to Worship a Rat

I suppose one of the reasons this movie is such a classic is that in it, The King of Smug Insincerity has to come to terms with the shortcomings of that very personality. It never gets old to me. I could watch it over and over and over and over.



For fans of the CW show "Supernatural," (which I will confess I enjoy) they did an episode based on the movie.

It's Not TV, It's PBS

The Best Commercials are on the Non-commercial Networks

There was a time when sponsoring a program on PBS meant you got your logo onscreen while a very PBS-sounding guy said something very generic like, "Broadcast of this program is made possible by a generous contribution from Megacorp." They've since relaxed those rules and now sponsors are allowed to create nice little spots. But they still aren't allowed to create out-and-out shills with blatant calls-to-action. One might argue that agencies do better work when those restrictions are in place. Case in point: these two Liberty Mutual spots running during the PBS show "American Experience." They certainly beat the Liberty Mutual commercials with the do-gooder people all helping each other in a pay-it-forward let's love one another faux feel-good world.





Agency: Hill Holliday

The Zombification of Us All

Maxi-clickage.

You Wanted My Opinion on FourSquare?

Click it like you mean it.

Supersaturated Street Scenes - Montreal

Click 'em for bigness.

First view is in the Vieux-Montréal area, the oldest part of the city and apparently the most touristy. Then I randomly dropped the little yellow man in a suburb north of the city called Lachenaie, where some very colorful laundry flies in the backyard. Nice of the Google Car to cruise this area during a pretty season, grass so lush it almost felt wrong to pump up the saturation, but since that's the name of the series, I had to stay true.

(Camper, above-ground pool and white fence optional.)

Supersaturated Street Scenes - Brotherly Love Edition

There are some "photographers" getting a lot of attention for their cropped Google Street View images. Honestly, it's not that hard to troll the virtual streets and find cool things. Here's my latest. And here are some more.

Back To School

Click for much bigger, art gallery hanging version

Philadelphia, PA (N. 15th ST, between W. York and W. Dauphin)

Podcasts, The Pong™ of Media

It was my great pleasure to strap on the leather headset and feed some wood into the old Skype machine as Bill and Angela invited me to an evening of raking things over the coals on AdVerve. As usual, I'm the dumbest guy in the room, trying to keep up with 1930s literature and community maturity models. Just when I think I can hold my own, some French dude in Angela's apartment interrupts us, talking all French and being fancy like that, throwing me off my game. About the best I could muster was a diatribe on mayonnaise.

In truth, Bill and Angela are among the sharpest minds in this business, and it was an honor to be on their show. Have a listen.