Living Color

I had a great aunt who lived in Rochester, New York, home of Kodak. I only visited her home once as a boy, and I remember being disappointed that she didn't take me to tour the great temple of the photography gods. Aunt Angeline is gone now. And so is Kodachrome.

All things must pass, and seldom do I lament their passing, but today is a little different as we mourn the crossing of Kodachrome to the great beyond. Cassette tapes? Yeah - goodbye, glad you're gone. VCRs? I cringe at your bulky antiquity. Same goes for most outdated technology (except reel-to-reel multi-track decks). But Kodachrome had no equal.

I long ago switched to digital and haven't shot on film in years, much less Kodachrome, but it WAS a magical film. (And any REAL photographer will tell you that digital cannot be held in the same class as film.) And how, WHY would we hang on to that technology in the face of the digital SLR?  It just didn't make sense anymore to PAY for film, PAY to have it developed, and then HOPE that half your images didn't suck when they finally arrived.

Kodachrome was to still images what Technicolor was to moving pictures. Why do you suppose we love the apps that turn our iPhone pictures into neo-retro relics of another era? Just do an image search for Kodachrome and see what all these old-timers are crying about. That little yellow box turned color photography into art.

And since so many people in marking its passing will quote Paul Simon's 1973 song of the same name, I will post an old ad for Kodachrome with the body copy replaced by the poetic highlights of Mr. Simon's lyrics that captured the magic of the product. (Click it, like a shutter button.)

I half expect a camera crew to accost Paul Simon soon as he leaves his New York apartment, begging for a comment on the death of his old friend and collaborator.   

(Original ad found here at THE technical source for what made Kodachrome great. Also, the original ad's copy will let you kids know what it was like to actually have to WAIT to see your pictures.)

Coffee With Jesus

Click it. Click it good.

OMG Little Debbie

If Little Debbie really wants to friend your kids, she should look like them.

Banners That Catch Your Eye

Not that you're likely to click on them, but they do half the job.

Today Is "International Confuse Your Dog Day"

Merry Christmas from Casa de Jetpacks

Git Off Mah Laaawn!

From Kansas City-based Austin Walsh Photography comes this twist on the company Holiday Greeting production. AWP's studio chief asks, "Heartfelt or Creepy? You decide." Well - after watching, it's very much both. Dolls with messed up eyes are the stuff of nightmares, but obsessed old men from the suburbs of KC who believe in Santa Claus are the stuff of Disney. And it's nice to see a studio/collective/agency just telling a story instead of putting antlers on the office dog and acting cute.

Spellcheck!

How many gas pumps in how many cities carry this warning, I wonder. It's just the copywriter in me that gets annoyed that this made it past who knows how many people.

The Adventures of Jim - Mayan Scribe 2010

Click for mild humor.

It's That Time of Year

Click it. Click it good.

You May Not Leave Gawker

It couldn't have happened to a more deserving group. Gawker, the flagship blog of the Gawker media empire, was hacked, with hundreds of thousands of emails and passwords made available to the public. Maybe it's millions, I don't know. But mine was among them and I've been changing most passwords this week just to be safe. I hadn't logged into Gawker in probably two years, the level of cynicism and sarcasm beyond what even an ass like myself was willing to engage in too often. I could not play with those kids. It is the Big Leagues of Dickishness, and I am only a farm-club player. I can't live in full-time snark. It's fun as a hobby and something I dabble in out of my own frustration with not being able to rule the world as its benevolent dictator, but it can get into your soul if you play with it too seriously. Kind of like Satanism. It's fine on the weekends, but once you start drawing pentagrams in the kitchen on a Wednesday morning, well, you're only a couple steps from sacrificing virgins. 

The commenter community at Gawker is nothing like the YouTube comment community. On YouTube you expect little more than name calling, insults, blatant spam and expletives, all usually spelled poorly or typed in Middle School Text Speech. On Gawker, it's more like a giant convention hall of would-be comedians who also happen to be the most smug, snarky and snide group you will ever encounter. In fact, Gawker states, "You need to audition to become a commenter." That was half the fun of dropping in on a Gawker thread. Some of the comments were hilarious one-liners and rapid-fire jabs just dripping with the kind of cruel comedy usually reserved for celebrity roasts. And I'm pretty sure it was that attitude of superiority that caused the hacker collective Gnosis to attack them.

So I thought now would be a good time to renounce the Church of Gawker. I got my "You'd better change your password" email from the administrators of the site, and I complied. But then I wanted out. Hang up my black robe and turn in my goblet of goat's blood. No such luck. From Gawker's recently modified FAQ:

How can I delete my account?
We understand how important trust is on the web, and some of you may wish to delete your Gawker Media account. Currently account deletion is not available. We will, however, give you this option as soon as possible.

That is the biggest load of corporate bullshit I have ever read. I know because I often write it. What Gawker is saying between the lines here is:

Look, if we let everyone bail right now we'd be in a world of hurt. We know you're pissed and we understand you want to leave, but we're not going to let you. We covet this list of users as our lifeblood. It is one of the things that tells advertisers how valuable we are. A mass exodus right now would screw us bad. You may not leave. Maybe later, but not now.

I tried to look at this from an IT standpoint and I still think it's bullshit. OK, maybe Gawker is afraid that some of the hacked emails and passwords will cause other crafty types to just start deleting Gawker accounts willy-nilly. Yeah, I could see that. But if I've already changed my password and confirmed I am the account-holder, why can't I get out now? Are we waiting for EVERYONE in the Gawker community to change their passwords before we are allowed to opt out? That'll take a while. Gawker's true hope here is that when they finally announce you are allowed to opt out, you will have forgotten or forgiven the Hack Heard Round the World. And they'll bury the announcement somewhere deep on the site if and when that time comes.

If an IT guru knows differently, please let me know, but my own consultations with a few skilled coders have confirmed for me that this is a giant load of shit on Gawker's part. The time it would take to write and test a code allowing confirmed users out of Gawker would be minimal.

Mark Zuckerberg Commented on Your Status

Addendum: THIS is How You Do Social Media

In my last post, I lambasted local car dealer David Maus for his Star Trek outfit. I alerted my Twitter followers to that post. Someone at David Maus caught wind of that and responded.

Now, they could've gone the corporate route of, "@Jetpacks, sorry you didn't like our commercials. Please DM me and let's see if we can resolve this situation."

Instead they went with humor. Detractor de-fanged and diffused, slightly amused. Observe:

Now, if I'd been an actual customer with a legitimate complaint like, "David Maus screwed me on my trade-in," or "David Maus sold me a lemon," then I've no doubt that the social media team would've dealt with me differently, but  THAT, businesses, is how to handle the random rabble on Twitter and Facebook and in the commentariat of YouTube. There's no need to "engage" us. You don't need to provide a solution to the assholes like me who are only out to mock you. Joke with us (while getting a plug in for your product) and we're far more likely to forgive your goofy attempts at marketing and, who knows, maybe consider you the next time we need a new or used car.

The Balance Bracelets Complete the Star Trek Uniform

And a belt-buckle from outer-space. This is David Maus, an Orlando car-dealer who basically owns the airwaves. Every traffic and weather report on the radio is sponsored by him. Every game on TV is interrupted by him. And in his latest ads, featuring his dealership's coffee shop, he sports the freakiest get-up for a car dealer since the checkered blazer. The Double-Point/Smile^TM at the end is Dave's trademark.

Got Milk? Time for the Sacred Cow to Die

It had its run, but it's been running since 1993. Lauded industry-wide, showered with awards and copied in countless, pointless, stupid parodies, the "got milk?" campaign from Goodby Silverstein & Partners is done. In it's original incarnation, the line was asked after someone was eating something that went well with milk. That made total sense. It has since morphed into a celebrity milk-mustache poster that reinforces the benefits of drinking milk. I say it's time to just get back to pairing milk with items that go very well with milk. You aren't drinking a glass of milk with a fruit salad. You aren't drinking a glass of milk after you work out. Please. It's not a diet food. It's not a refresher. It's milk, damnit. (And speaking of cow-themed campaigns that are way over, can someone please tell Chik-Fil-A's agency that the "Eat mor Chikin" thing is DONE.) And since the true measure of success for advertising is, "Did it sell more product?" the "Got Milk?" campaign should've been retired years ago. According to Wikipedia, "The campaign has been credited with greatly increasing milk sales in California, though not nationwide."

You don't need a clever tagline for milk. Milk is milk. It goes great with some things. So here are some posters I accidentally came up with when I downloaded a weird food font that had a piece of cake as one of the characters. This goes back to the original concept of the campaign, only even more straightforward than before. It's not a question. It's a statement of fact. Milk. Period.

And the next real estate agent who has "Got a Realtor?" as their slogan should be shot. And if you have a bumper sticker that asks me if I "Got Jesus?" I'm going to throw milk on your car.

Do Not Adjust Your Sets - Ford Field is Purple

Do you know who Charlie Coffin, Ken Davidson and Jason Meister are? Until this morning, neither did I. But as I'm watching highlights of the Giants-Vikings game, played last night at Detroit's Ford Field as a result of the Metrodome in Minneapolis collapsing under snow, I'm impressed with what those guys did. This was to be a home game for Minnessota, but Sunday it was determined that the game would have to be played in Detroit, and Detroit rolled out the purple carpet to make it seem like home for the Vikings.

I'm guessing the three gentlemen named in the opening paragraph are responsible for the quickest transformation of a football field ever. They make up the groundskeeping crew at Ford Field. Gone was the blue lion in profile at midfield, replaced by the Viking mascot. The end zones now displayed the Vikings script.

Now I know many college teams share a field with a pro team, but those logo packages and field graphics that are swapped out between a Saturday college game and a Sunday pro game are stored in the back somewhere, easy to roll out and replace. They've got the templates for spray-painting memorized. Charlie and his crew had to make Detroit look like Minneapolis in 24 hours, and they did an excellent job. I'm guessing they worked closely with Minnesota's groundskeeping crew. The technical crew was involved as well, with the Detroit scoreboard and sound system loaded with Minnesota graphics and songs.

The stadium transformation did not sit well with many Detroit fans, as they are age-old rivals with the purple ones. They need to shut up. A rival city lost it's stadium and Detroit opened theirs. This was a very kind gesture on the part of a city that has been beyond down on its luck, a city with a football team as poor as its recovery prospects. I'm sure there's a lesson or two in there somewhere.

Nice job, Detroit.

Supersaturated Street Scenes - Confederate Edition

At the interchange of I-75 and I-4 in Tampa stands what is billed as the largest Confederate Flag in the world. On the day that the Google car drove by, so did the type of dented white van you warn children to be wary of.

To The Bunker, Floridians!

The National Weather Service has declared Central Florida a hellscape of apocalyptic doom with these warnings for today.

Not a good day for sailing. Or swimming. Bad day to toss a lit cigarette into a pile of dry leaves. Not looking good for your plants either.

I'm going for a walk.

Busting the Twitter Whores

The Twitter people do a pretty good job of finding and rooting out the obvious exploiters. Here are the icons of a few recent followers.

Now, granted, these fine ladies were following Ronnie Reed, who is only asking for such company when his twitter name is Ronnie6969xxx. Ronnie would love them. Since I have images blocked in my gmail, I never see their icons. So when you click on a profile link in your email to see if maybe this person is legit, you get taken to a Twitter screen with a message something like this:

They always have names like MonicaF75, are following 65 people with 0 followers and 1 tweet, which is in most cases a link that is going to get you in trouble in one way or another. Twitter does a great job of getting rid of them. Now if only they would get rid of the life coaches, social media experts, bad comedians and foreign currency traders, all of whom are just as whorish.

In Amish Country - Or Tuscany

Is he supposed to be Amish? So why the very Italian-sounding music bed? Maybe he's a rural peasant? I don't know. Why does he look secretive before opening the gate? Is he hiding his fancy gate opener from the church elders who will shun him for his use of the English toy that makes him lazy? Oh, hahaha - the supposedly pious guy who clings to the old ways has a secret sin! It's his gate opener! And the tag, "not just for the rich and famous" is beyond weak, thrown in just for the sake of this spot. I suppose I'm thinking way too much about a 30-second spot. A lame one.

Sometimes Twice a Year We Suffer Like This

Logo Creative Review

More messing around with the fun art of North Korean propaganda.

In this installment, the client plays the role he plays best, Supreme Dictator and Arbiter of All Things Creative. (click)

For Me, This is Like Peanut Butter and Chocolate

Combining two of my favorite things: old socialist propaganda illustrations and making fun of social media gurus and conferences. But now that I think about it, they really aren't that much different from one another, are they? Click image for better.

Zuckerberg's Free Ride

He was there to do a free commercial for the new profile pages on Facebook and talk about his eventual domination of the universe. Lesley Stahl came across as a sycophantic fangirl. It was interesting to watch as "60 Minutes" allowed him to burnish his image in the wake of "The Social Network," the film that portrays him as a heartless user.

(El click de pic para mas grande action)

This is How They Fight Child Abuse in North Korea

You go ahead and change your Facebook profile picture to your favorite cartoon character and we'll see how many children don't get abused as a result of your effort, all you cause-of-the-week bandwagon jumpers. I'm sorry, I just don't see the point. How will talking about child abuse alter the behavior of child abusers? That's the point of the exercise, after all. You're supposed to be starting a conversation about child abuse via your Facebook profile picture. So, have you been talking about child abuse? Yeah, I didn't think so. The whole exercise seems a silly waste of time designed to make you feel good about yourself. I hope it worked. But I pity the children who get abused next week when you change your profile picture to reflect the latest cause du jour.

Meantime, here's a great propaganda poster from a North Korean collection. The caption reads, "She defeated a bad person who had been harassing children." Awesome. Say what you will about the crazy North Koreans, but even their young girls know how to combat child abuse way better than we do.

Pimp Santa

Disclaimer: The author if this blog does not condone violence against women. Or children. Or even against people who give Santa Claus sugar free cookies, suggesting that perhaps he needs to lose some of that gut and keep an eye on his diabetes and blood pressure. The author of this blog finds no humor in domestic violence of any kind, even against stupid pets that can't get the hang of pissing and shitting outside after a year of patiently and sternly showing them that they are totally fucking up the carpets and praising them when they once in a while get it right. (OK, a swat to the nose or rump is permissible here.) However, the author of this blog can and will, at his discretion, create comics that depict situations that show beloved characters in situations we might not normally find them in, such as Santa slapping a woman. Come on, you laughed.

I Take It Back. Joe Buck is Alright

Nothing will endear the American public to a person more than that person making fun of their own image, the prime example being William Shatner, who has made a career out of mocking himself.

I've never liked Joe Buck. I have found him to be a smarmy, milquetoast man who inherited his job from his famous dad (and has a man crush on his broadcast boothmate, Troy Aikman). Then he goes and stars in this commercial, where he is the butt of every joke and allows the exact image I had of him to be skewered relentlessly.

I will now stop disliking Joe Buck.

Socialists Don't Believe in Royalties

The cool thing about Chinese propaganda posters is they were almost always painted by an artist listed as "unknown" and they're done for a foreign communist government, so you're free to abuse the often stunning artwork without fear of legal reprisal and those pesky Cease and Desist letters. As noted on the website where I lifted these fine images:

"The designers/artists of the posters were employees of the art academies, museums, or publishers. During the high tide of socialism, it was seen as counterrevolutionary to exercise personal claims to the copyrights over the works. It would be safe to consider the academies, etc., as the copyright holders. Now, in our experience, these institutions do not exercise their copyrights for materials published in the period 1949-mid-1980s. With the Chinese adoption of the ISBN-system, all this has changed, of course." 

Some of the original wording on these is great stuff, like "Resolutely cut off the bloody and criminal hand of the American aggressor that spreads germs!" from 1952. Or this gem from 1950: "Family members, relatives and friends of criminal secret agents, you must supervise and urge criminals to register and turn over a new leaf!" And apparently there was a campaign to murder all the sparrows, which they did, only to be plagued by bed bugs.

So until the Chinese are your overlords and they put all of us who work in "the arts" either to death or to work in the propaganda sweatshops*, feel free to use these in your campaigns. (See what some have done here.)



* You think your Creative Director is a dick? Wait'll they're telling you EXACTLY what to design and write.

Indulgence - They Has It

I have never in my life known anyone to give or get a new car for Christmas, but the car companies sure think it's a good idea. They always have. And I suppose they'll give you the giant bow as well for when you blindfold your loved-one and walk them to the driveway to reveal the gift you'll both be paying for for the next five years.

But Acura is running some spots for the Holidays that you might not fast-forward though on your DVR. Concept, writing, and above all, casting, are sharp. My favorite is this guy, showing off his post-modern gingerbread house. The pauses make it.



Others in the series include:

Over-lighted house guy

800 thread-count stocking lady

And the very Walken-esque "Chestnut." (Seriously, there's no way the writer and director weren't thinking Walken when they produced this.)

We Rode the Same Bus in High School. I Didn't Know You.

Tighten Your Laces

Until I can find a copy of the "Product Placement Within a Commercial" ad done by Geico in which they feature a guy proposing to his fiance with a Helzberg Diamond while the gecko and the John Slattery-looking guy look on, I'm going with this spot. In the words of one of the guys from AdGiants, "Brand management done so good it's like a shoe to the back of the head." Have to agree. Only 11 views so far? Damn. FIRST!



The spot was done by Barkley in Kansas City about 2003. Directed by Russ Hadley, written by Bob Cox, now of AdGiants. Said Cox,

"The original idea was that he would be a Buddhist Monk meditating outside a temple, like in Tibet, when he gets hit in the head with a tennis shoe. But... we had a very limited production budget and had to shoot locally. Since there are no Asian-themed locations or architecture in Kansas City (like none), I changed it to a farmer in the French countryside and shot it with a local director on a farm just south of KC. Hence the beret and primitive plow instead of a tractor. But because those references were "subtle", we didn't worry too much if people grasped the overseas locale, as long as they got that the shoe had flown a great distance."