Brits Spotted Drinking American Piss

The year: 1972. Mick & Co were long past their initial introduction into the world of advertising, but here we see them getting a little more sophisticated, opting for product placement over outright shilling around the era of Exile on Main Street.

"Awright, I'll hold the beer for the camera, but I'm not singin' any bloody jingles."

"That's fine, Mick. Can you turn the can just a little so we can clearly see the label? And, Keith. I'm gonna need you to hold that spot in front of the amp for another couple seconds...and...got it. Thanks, Keith."

(These images were not Photoshopped)

Major Viral Epidemic to Infect Millions

I'm new to this - although its apparently 16 days old - which is a lifetime in the viralsphere . (Yeah, I said it - Viralsphere™.) Try not to laugh (No way you can't laugh) - then ask yourself, "How'd Will Ferrell get away with this?" Move over, More Cowbell skit, this is Ferrell's best work in a while. Read the Wired story on it here.

The Most Effective Logo on Earth

At least today. It's kind of hot out this afternoon and this logo is really tempting me to go to 7-11 right now and guzzle an ice cold coke. (In a glass bottle.)

This logo has for years and years made people's mouths water. It's the icy cold water droplets. It's the remembrance of that fresh taste. It's the familiarity of the type.

But it's Friday. I dont feel like going anywhere right now. Settling for a giant can of Foster's. Really cold.

I'd Rather Go Barefoot - In the Snow

Zappos, the overpriced online shoe retailer, is trying very desperately to make us all think of Zappos as a verb. It's not working.

A brand name becomes a verb on its own. When you force it on us, we reject it. And it has only happened naturally twice that I can think of: Xerox and Google. Maybe FedEx gets credit in this category to a degree. Yahoo! tried (and failed) when it asked us, "Do You Yahoo!?" Nevermind that the question ends with an exclamation point and a question mark, it's a stupid question. (Interesting note: the Zappos logo includes a footprint that doubles as an exclamation point. Wow. Original.)

So here comes Zappos with the most annoying, pandering to every demo out there campaign. I've seen the old lady ad, the executive high roller ad and others, all telling us how they "zappos." Here's the dumbest in the bunch. Idiot stoner college punk who looks blearily into the camera and asks "Why go to class?" I can hear the chortles between the bong hits. He's so cool with his not-very-long hair matted into pretend dreadlocks. (And as James H points out in the comments, he's filthy.) This is the kid who needs Alec Baldwin for a father, someone to "fly out there next week and straighten your ass out, you rude thoughtless pig." Nothing against stupid college stoner punks, but I prefer stupid college stoner punks who still go to class, rather than sit in the dorm room spending Mom and Dad's money shopping online for overpriced shoes. Can you say "Backfire," Zappos? That's a verb. I'd like to find ONE person who bought shoes at Zappos because of this ad. "Dude, I wonder if they have hemp Vans?"

• Free shipping both ways (Translation: we handle TONS of returns)
• Piece o' cake return policy (Translation: we handle tons of returns AND we are so hip because we said "piece O' cake")
• "Massive selection" huh? Straight out of your early 80's surf lexicon?

I think I've just decided never to shop at Zappos. I was in need of some Chuck Taylors, but now I'm going to the mall where I can actually try them on first.

Amish Rehab

"I spent a ton of money on that clinic that just let me go," said Eddie Van Halen, "But then the cravings started up again and I needed to get away. Yeah, I got new teeth and a haircut, but I thought they were gonna fix me, ya know?"

That's where Amish Rehab came in. A simple program, Amish Rehab strips its patients to the bare minimum for one month, where they are expected to perform daily chores on an Amish farm and live among the Amish.

"It's hard-core," said Van Halen, "But they're pretty cool. I had an encounter with this one dude named Johann - seems they're all named Johann or Hans - and he was all up in my face, waggin' his finger and tellin' me to pull my weight. Last person to do that to me was David Lee Roth, and where is he now?"

"Mr. Van Halen has had some trouble adapting," offered Johann Schilling, in whose home the rock star is staying, "He had difficulty understanding that we don't mingle with the womenfolk until mealtimes and that men around here don't take kindly to outsiders casting longing looks at our ladies, even those who have not been betrothed. He slept very much his first week here, but then he started to pitch in more. The resentment of him has subsided among the menfolk, and we are hopeful that he is making progress."

"Dude, no electricity! That's f***ing WILD, isn't it?" asked Van Halen, his eyes simultaneously wild and tired, "And these dudes BUST ASS all day long. I thought touring was a bitch. I'm gettin' in shape. And this is so much more affordable than those Hollywood or Caribbean clinics. Come sundown I'm WASTED, and I mean wasted like in really f***ing tried, man. Who has time to party when you're working your ass off all day long and when you get home there's no AC? The biggest luxury here is lemonade, and that's only like three times a week."

"We accepted Mr. Van Halen into our community in order to help him. We hope that his experiences here will prove lasting and help him to overcome his worldy cravings. We have extended similar offers to a Mrs. Federline of California and a Mr. Richards of England," said Schilling.

Alec Baldwin, Master of Damage Control

Thanks to everyone who has shown such wonderful support in this trying time as I deal with a certain unnamed psychotic and evil woman who hasn't had a role in a movie since Door in the Floor with Jeff Bridges, and who is always referred to in the press as having won an Oscar for a movie she did ten years ago. When they start talking about your career highlight being ten years old, you're pretty much a has-been, baby. I'm currently starring in a very successful sitcom on NBC. Also, I've hosted SNL more times than anyone in history. I was also in The Good Shepherd and The Departed, two very successful, and I might add, recent films.

I am deeply sorry for the way in which I behaved toward my daughter in that voicemail message everyone has heard, which a certain unnamed evil washed-up actress released to the media, even though she says she didn't, proving once again what I've been saying from the start; that some people are just liars and pathologically incapable of behaving correctly, and unable to recognize their own insanity.

I was wrong to have lashed out at my wonderful daughter, but as anyone who knows me will attest, I have lived in a virtual Hell for the last six years, while one of Satan's favorite minions, a certain unnamed blonde bimbo hacktress, has tormented me and alienated my child from me.

Once my book is published, I'm sure more people will understand the incredible strains created by parental alienation. It's a very real condition and practiced especially skillfully by a certain unnamed, insecure, worthless piece of crap and poor excuse for a mother who lives in LA with my daughter.

Do I have anger issues? I confess, I do. But you would too if you spent nearly 10 years with a certain unnamed lying psychotic bitch who then divorced you and drags your name through the mud at every opportunity, all the while pretending to play the caring, protective mother while she keeps your daughter from you. This is textbook parental alientation. And just between you and me - the sex wasn't that good.

In the meantime, I'm sorry to anyone who's taken offense from this episode.

(His real response is here)

Adventure's Waitin' Just Ahead

In my continuing (and admittedly bizarre) facsination with the world's military recruitment efforts, I give you the Japanese Maritime Self Defense Forces recruiting commercial.

The Japanese eschew all that silly cinematic elegance that the Czechs, Russians, Aussies, Brits and Americans use and just go for the Speed Racer anime vibe.

Careful, the effects may cause you to go into a seizure.

Someone Still Loves You, Boris Yeltsin

As the world mourns the passing of Russia's drunk but beloved Boris Yeltsin (and one wonders what this Springfield, Missouri based band will now call themselves) I thought it would be fun to see how Russia recruits for its Army.

Here we see young Aleksi, packing up and leaving mama and the squalid tenements of his hometown. What awaits him behind the drab frontage of the government office building? Why, of course, it is...Love.



Australian Army Ad

Czech Army Ad

From Jingle Singer to Mover & Shaker

I'm not registered with any political party, and I'm far from sympathetic to Karl Rove, but when Clairol's Revlon's spokeswoman goes to the White House correspondents dinner to raise a ruckus over what she perceives as the most important issue of our day, it kinda makes me mad. Not because it isn't an important issue, it very well may be (after all, The Clash were onto this years ago - "The ice age is coming - the sun's zooming in) but because Sheryl Crow is not a global climate scientist. All she did was go see Al Gore's movie. Fine, Sheryl, go raise awareness, but start getting militant on me and I'm not hearing you much longer.

Sheryl got her start singing jingles in St. Louis. Her first hit was "All I Wanna Do." She acknowledges that the lyrics weren't hers (lifted from a poetry book) and she eventually got the poet who wrote them $50K in royalties. What she's never confessed is that the music from that song was stolen from the Stealers Wheel song "Stuck in the Middle with You." Listen to both songs and tell me it isn't true.

I know celebrities see it as their duty to use their celebrity to educate us groundlings on the concerns that concern them, but maybe educate yourself just a little before you start preaching. Here's a snapshot of Ms. Crow's perfect world.

I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required.

I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she was speaking tongue in cheek.

Clowns to the Left of me. Jokers to the Right.

Where's My Jetpack? The Book by Someone Else

Daniel Wilson and I share the same initials, and we share the same thoughts on the future we were promised; the one that never arrived. His book shares the name of this blog. That book just arrived in the mail. Its chapter titles could've been lifted from the lyrics of the song of the same name. It's printed on what seems to be 100 lb. glossy cardstock, with illustrations by Richard Horne of East London. I'll thumb through it and it shouldn't take long. Chapters are broken down into inventions that never really happened, starting with the jetpack. It is categorized under "humor," so I'm hoping for a couple of chuckles for my $14.95.

Mr. Wilson once contacted me, trying to get me to part with the domain Where's My Jetpack? Not happening. I suggested WhereISMyJetpack.com and he snapped it up. Mr. Wilson is a columnist for Popular Mechanics and earned a Ph.D. in robotics from Carnegie Mellon University. He authored another book that Mike Myers optioned the movie rights for, How to Survive a Robot Uprising. So, he's much smarter than me and he's been published. You might like his book.

This is the extent of my promotion of Mr. Wilson's book. He's presently on a book tour in the Pacific Northwest. I'm counting on him to make the phrase Where's My Jetpack? even more popular, preparing the way for me. Thanks, Daniel, and good luck. I hope you makes tons of money. Don't waste it on Rush albums, though.

For me, the phrase has always been about more than just inventions that didn't happen. The name of the blog is really tongue in cheek and does not speak to jetpacks alone. "Jetpack" is just a symbol for all the awesome goodness we were promised as children; a glorious future of peace and wealth and universal brotherhood, no death or sickness or strife. Heaven on Earth! (And sold to us by people like you and me - advertisers and marketers - with help from Disney, the government and Ray Bradbury.)

But that Utopian dream ain't happening anytime soon. Too many haters out there bent on destruction: Al Qaeda , Cho Seung-Hui, Alec Baldwin Kim Basinger and all the rest.

So, in that sense, it's hardcore cynicism, but I'll still be the first one in line when WalMart is selling cheap, reliable jetpacks.

I Heart Huckabee

I'm wondering how much it costs to become a "cool new person" on MySpace, because the third slot is reserved for presidential candidates. Something doesn't sit well with me on this. Maybe MySpace is doing it as a public service for all candidates on a rotating basis? (Just hit "refresh" and they change.)

How effective can this be as far as gaining support? So if I'm a friend of Jenny and I see that Jenny has Tommy Thompson as a friend, am I now swayed to get on the Tommy Thompson bandwagon? Will Jenny and I begin discussing the merits of the Tommy Thompson tax reform proposal? I don't think that's how it works, and I don't think the candidates are gong to be successful in turning social networking sites into the "national conversation" they all want to have with us. (Oh, to sit down for a cup of coffee with Hillary and just chat.)

One campaign staffer in one desperate campaign said, "We should be on MySpace!" and then they all followed suit, lest they look "out of touch." Perhaps it's just about "impressions" and the candidates hoping for a little more name recognition. I don't know. It's probably just me, but I'd feel pretty stupid having Dennis Kucinich or Rudy Gulliani as a friend of mine on MySpace.

And as long as we're talking about the the marketing of candidates, I have some advice for all of you with silly names: Get out now. The electorate is shallow. They won't stand for a president named Tommy Thompson. That sounds like the name of some bully on the playground in a third grade reader. How old are you now, Tommy? Maybe we can switch to plain old "Tom?" Also Mike Huckabee; just way too easy to make fun of. Can't you hear the kids taunting, "Huckabee, Suckabee, F..." It's like when you're choosing a name for your child, you want to be very careful and imagine it on an office door 30 years in the future. Ladies and Gentleman, President Bambi-Jo Backwater. See? Not good.

Haunted Bus Ride

Saw this creepy ad at the Brisbane Times.

Hey kids! Your dead grandma when she was a little girl is sitting behind you on the bus!

Hans of Heidelberg - Hairband Hasbeen

Clicken ze image to mach bigness.




"Hans of Heidelberg" is a modern day Eurotoon that takes place in Germany, where Hans, a stay at home hairband hasbeen, is raising his two kids, Torch and Scorch, with his wife Britte, a corporate attorney.

It's a little something I've been thinking of doing. I know you've all got your bizarre/creative side-projects too. We need those. They keep us semi-sane in this crazy world of pimps and hos.

Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time
Plans that either come to naught or half a page of scribbled lines

Disklaimenzer: Where's My Jetpack? means no ill-will toward Germany, the fine city of Heidelberg, hairbands or hasbeens. Any resemblence of characters portrayed in this comic strip to actual persons, either living or dead, especially guys named Hans living in Heidelberg, is purely coincidental. Where's My Jetpack? is an equal opportunity offender.

Steve Hall to Replace Imus at CBS

Not really, but Steve sure opened up a hot topic over at AdRants. People are obviously far more passionate about this issue than they are about advertising.

Usually you can count on about 4 to 5 comments on any one of Steve's or Angela's posts, but presently he's approaching 100 on his gun control "commercial break." They run the gamut from "Right on, man!" to "You're an idiot." Steve has figured out the secret to good radio: Say something that will light up the phones.

And where do I stand on the whole gun debate? That doesn't matter. Whatever I say would piss off someone.

And Wake Up to a Brand New Day

With the Imus controversy fresh in our minds, I thought now would be a good time to call attention to a trend that has taken a long time to come around; that of including interracial couples (I meant Black & White - see comments) in advertising and marketing. I've seen it in print for fashion, cigarettes and jewelry, maybe once or twice on TV, but this is the first time I've seen it on a website's homepage. Nice job on the part of Fossil to be a pioneer here, although it's a little odd that in 2007 this is considered pioneering.

Title of post stolen from "Original Sin," by INXS.

Butler Shines

One of the cooler ads I've seen in a while, a 70s styled iron-on transfer in this ad for MINI by Butler, Shine, Stern and Partners (found in Rolling Stone) featuring Hammer & Coop, Butler's tongue-in-cheek 70s styled detective guy and his British-accented MINI.

And who is cooler than Hammer in that tongue-in-cheek retro kinda way? Only the Shat. So the Shat get's the shirt.

Previously in Hammer & Coop

Previously in British Accents

Previously in Shatner

Throw Another Shrimp on the Barbed Wire

Utilizing an unidentified sing-along anthemic rocker, the Australian Army would like you to Be All That You Can Be, or become an Army of One, or be Army Strong. Or just Rise. It's not bad, considering what they're selling, but still, no one can touch the Czechs for killer recruiting videos. This is more "have fun, play soccer, rugby Australian Rules football, help some people, meet new friends," whereas the Czech spot is like, "We're coming up out of the swamp to kill you, but not before we majestically scare the crap out of you first."

Stock Photography - Stock Name

This new blight on the landscape is not far from the casa. The Certified Association Management Company (can a name be any more generic?) has erected a sign in front of their office (Suite 100, naturally) picturing your basic urban hipster imaginary office quartet comprised of dyed-red White female leader (she's freshly divorced, I'd bet), young soul-patch sporting dude who does double-duty representing the Hispanic or Arab demo, (ask any Mexican man how he was treated immediately after 9-11. It happens.) young Latina woman and of course, always relegated to the back, sans tie and fading away, Black man, because he likely works in the mailroom. (ask HighJive.)

At least they didn't go with "Black man and White man in matching dark business suits shake hands in glass and chrome setting."

I hate "business" stock photography, and now I hate it even more as I have to look at this atrocity on my way to 7-11 every morning. On your website, billboards or collateral materials? Excusable. But on your actual signage? On a street? Unpardonable, indefensible and punishable by public flogging.

I'm Not Finnished

Finns should be up in arms over this Australian ad that makes fun of their nationality.



But have you ever noticed how local radio ads will use ethnic accents all the time? Usually voiced by some white guy doing his best "Italian," "Jamaican," or "Irish," guy, I sometimes get offended that those stereotypes live on. Then I laugh.

You're Welcome

As I told them to do back in January, TGI Fridays is now offering smaller portions.

As the story says, a focus group was commissioned 7 months ago that uncovered the "too much food" complaint, but I'll go ahead and assume that my tags drew the TGI Fridays corporate heads here and then they held a big meeting over too much food and nodded their heads in agreement with me, saying, "This Jetpacks person is right. If we don't do this first, we will look like copycats."
Oh, look! Racial harmony is possible at your local TGI Fridays. Here we have Sanjaya, Rosa and Derrick. What? No white people? Rosa is having a giant margarita. Derrick is minding his waistline with the salad. Sanjaya has just made a joke that he finds funnier than anyone else does. Isn't that the way it always works? Wait, is that a white nose in the lower right foreground? It might be, but it looks kinda large. Must be a wop.

( I can say "wop" because I'm 1/2 Italian. All the rest of you have to say "the w word.")

Guilt as Motivator

All the way from Van Nuys, California comes this that I just got in the mail. (or "post" as our Brit friends say. Cheers!) It's a plea to fill out a survey, with the promise that they won't sell my info or try to sell me anything.

Direct Mail or Direct Response is one of the toughest sells in marketing, so these guys included a crisp $1 bill to entice me to fill out their 45 question survey all about household income, ethnicity, square footage of home, what kind of garage I'd rather have, etc. I can tell by the questions that there is either a lending institution, mortage company or home builder behind this survey. Maybe an association of all three.

Now I'm faced with, "Wow - they paid me already. I'll feel bad if I don't fill this out."

Dollar in wallet. Survey in trash. Thank you.

Get Real, CBS

I was hoping to catch Obama’s appearance on Letterman on YouTube or Google Video, whoever they are now, but was met with “This video has been removed by the user.”

So I figured, “That’s understandable. CBS would rather their site be your destination for all your Letterman video needs,” and headed over to cbs.com to see if they had it.

They had what appears to be small clip from the interview (which can also still be seen on YouTube/GooVid) but it requires the Real Player plug-in. I don’t allow Real Player on my system. It is a space hogging tyrant with a desire to open everything for me. I hate Real Player.

Sorry, CBS, that’s how NOT to be a video destination for me. Another argument for the DVR, I suppose.

Errors in Logoing

I'm no graphic designer, and I know just enough Photoshop to communicate my ideas and piss off the real designers, but some things just strike me as odd. Like this logo.

Just as a hospital might not want to use, say, a skull and crossbones for their corporate identity, it's probably not a good idea for a financial institution to adopt circling sharks as their logo.

I'm sure these are meant to be sailboats, symbolizing the "freedom of financial independence" or some such lofty banking notion, but still...

I Don't Have an Easter Post

But since it's Good Friday, a day that reminds us of death, I thought I'd share a fun little craft project for the kids that I call "Near Death Experience." Enjoy!

















The afterlife seems pretty fun, doesn’t it?

Many people who have had “near death experiences” tell us that it feels as though they’re traveling through a “long, dark tunnel with a light at the end.” Then they say they see their relatives who died waiting to greet them. They feel all warm and cozy and then someone says, “You must go back.”

Well, why wait until you die to find out what it’s like?
This project is simple and fun!

Instructions:

1. With a pair of scissors, cut a slot near the end of an empty paper towel roll.
2. Insert a picture of your dead grandma, grandpa, aunt, uncle or whoever you know who has died into the slot in the roll.
3. Turn off all the lights and hold the empty paper towel roll to your eye.
4 . Shine the flashlight through the other end.
5. Have your mom or dad say in a loud, low voice “You must go back.”

Lower My Blood Pressure

I was all set to congratulate LowerMyBills.com for going with a more tasteful Flash banner, this fairly innocuous sand-raking scene found at msnbc.com, (that sure beats the crap out of dancing gay cowboys) when I discovered in my toolbar a sneaky pop-under ad I got served on an earlier visit to The Washington Post.

You cannot escape these people.










And have you noticed, The Washington Post (dot com) is like that stretch of highway in some desperate part of the country where they said, "The more outdoor advertising, the better!"? (Think Highway 65, between Springfield, Missouri and Branson.)

To The Next Terrace of Purgatory

Just as way too many companies are "thinking outside the box," there are far too many firms promising to "take you to the next level." When I see this phrase on a website or in any other medium, I automatically assume that the company employing the phrase is so behind the times they are not worth investigating. They are "pushing the envelope" and "exploring new frontiers." They are "scaling new heights" and "reaching beyond."

They are full of shit.

We were supposed to have gotten rid of this lame jargon after the first dotcom bust, back when every startup thought a foosball table was mandatory furniture, when smoke and mirrors were the items for sale.

If your company is really so new and innovative...PROVE IT. Start by abandoning the tired clichés that describe your services.

Believin' - Is That so Wrong?

This is not about advertising, just a music video for a great song with a nice concept and fun direction. My TV is not often on MTV or Fuse, so I'm new to this one, apparently released in the States mid-March.

Anthony Kiedis of the Red Hot Chili Peppers asked Chris Rock if he'd direct the video for "Hump de Bump." Rock responded, "I'd love to, as long as you don't mind being the only white people in it." Not since Halle Berry and Warren Beatty got together for Bulworth have American race relations had the potential to be so positively energized through the arts. This is happy stuff.

Interactive Eating

Click for bigness.
Photo taken on Highway A1A,
Saint Augustine Beach, FL.





Not only does this St. Augustine Beach, Florida ramshackle roadside restaurant offer Food, Fun and Magic (in addition to broiled shrimp for breakfast and "Treasure Ship"), but you can also have your web pages made here. And not just web pages...INTERNET web pages.

The Misappropriation of Titles

Henceforth, until you can snort the ashes of your dead father, you are not allowed to refer to yourself as a "Rock Star," especially if you're a marketer.

"The worse he looks the better he photographs."
- Ross Halfin


Photo from Ross Halfin's site.

Oh, HERE'S My Jetpack

Kym of Thinking in Vain and Copyranter of Copyranter both alerted me to a story in the news today of an inventor in Mexico named Juan Manuel Lozano Gallegos, who claims to have invented a jetpack, or "RocketBelt," as he calls it.

Some problems:

• His only successful flights have been tethered, and even then, he's spinning uncontrollably just 4 feet off the ground.
• His design is a copy of the same jetpack invented in 1961, seen in an old James Bond film and at the 1984 Olympics in Los Angeles.
• His supposedly successful untethered flight is only shown in photos, and in those photos he is 2 inches off the ground.
• His RocketBelt weighs 70 lbs.
• His RocketBelt makes a noise very similiar to that of a real commercial jet.
• His RocketBelt will set you back $250,000, which he claims you can quickly make up through "special events, promotions, advertising, elections campaigns, concerts, movies, TV commercials etc."

It would seem Mr. Gallegos is really good at PR and managed to get some news outlets to pick up his story, hoping to make some fast (and big) cash off his amazing flying machine.

Not buying, Juan. Until these babies are lighter, cheaper, quieter - oh yeah - and ACTUALLY FLY, I am not your customer.

So, the blog title will remain what it is and the question is still a valid one.

I had something like these in mind.














Image above from the book Skyjets for Fliers of Tomorrow
©1954, by Albert Whitman & Company, Chicago.

Lo Siento Mucho, Señor Chayanne®

Color me ignorant to the Latin music scene, but I had no idea who Chayanne^® was when I saw this banner at the Miami Herald (while reading Dave Barry's always funny 24 blog.) According to Wikipedia, Chayanne^® was born Elmer Figueroa-Arce, so yeah, maybe a name change was in order if he wanted to go into the idol business. Here's Mr Figuero-Arce doing the always convincing "I got caught acting natural and laughing during the photo shoot" pose.

I'm sure he's really awesome and sells millions of CDs, I'm just wondering why he needs a registered trademark next to his name.

Diss Disclaimer: At no point in the above blog post did I in any way slander, besmirch or otherwise disparage the good name of Chayanne^®. Any hate mail or comments defending Chayanne^® against imagined slights or perceived insults will be ignored and/or deleted.

Brother, Can You Spare a Quarter Mil?

The sponsored video on the homepage of YouTube (in the right panel) is a 24-hour placement. Asking price: $250,000. (Negotiable, I'm told.)

H&R Block chose to hype its TaxCut software using this space today. They are trying desperately to compete with what has been robbing them of revenue, namely the superior TurboTax software.

H&R Block is featuring the winners of their "Me and My SuperSweet Refund Video Contest," taking "user generated content" to an all time low. Each video even has a preview title screen with some sort of wreath-like thing, as if it won some prestigious film festival award. The idea of the contest was to share what you would do with your "super sweet refund." (Yeah - if we use the words "super sweet", that'll guarantee the kids will be all over this, 'cause kids say "sweet" all the time....dude.)

Grand Prize goes to Wacktube, one of the worst actresses in the history of acting, with a failed "makeover" premise in a barely watchable, nearly two minutes of pure idiocy.

2nd Prize goes to Nandrews, of My Hands are Bananas fame, who gives us what is in my opinion the best of these three lame comedic efforts with a Kids in the Hall-like, seemingly half-scripted sort of improv bit.

3rd Prize goes to TheBigBadWolf, who's got the best cinematic eye, even if his faked Jamaican accent and silly premise kept him down in the rankings. Also, he failed to write an ending. Or maybe it was because he's black.

It's nice, I guess, that young filmmakers are being encouraged to share their talents, but at least come to the table with an idea that might work. If this sort of stuff keeps up, we'll be smelling the death of user generated content soon. I see $250,000 wasted by H&R Block. If these three were the best, they clearly didn't get enough entries to justify the contest.

He is handling the money
He's serving the food
He knows about your party
He is calling you "DUDE!"

Life Without a DVR

I was one of the last people in North America to agree to be chained to work via cell phone (about 2002) and I still have yet to get on the DVR bandwagon. To me, it seems that a DVR would just make you watch too much TV. I figure if you miss a show, you missed it. Too bad. Besides, there are only about 3 things I even want to watch in a week. Tonight presents a problem.

24 is on opposite the Gators-Buckeyes NCAA National Basketball Championship. A cross promotional network revenue sharing plan should've been put into action months ago. All the employees of CTU could watch the game on their monitors. Jack could've watched it in the field on his PDA. The President could watch it in the Oval Office as he prepares to bomb three Middle Eastern countries.

Looks like I'll be hitting the "last channel" button tonight, switching back and forth between the game and the hunt for crazy terrorists trying to destroy my way of life. None of the commercials on either Fox or CBS will ever be seen by me.

Then again, if I had a DVR, I'd never see any commercials at all. Hmmm.

(Sympathies are due Emma Brownell of iMediaConnection, who was sure her local UCLA Bruins would maul the Gators. Chomp!)