What's Gaudier Than a Pink Hummer Limo?

One with a pink barbecue grill attached to the back bumper.

Seen in Altamonte Springs, Florida.

There is No Medium Where They Won't Find You

We'll Call It "Whispering Monkey Skull at Tuscany Pointe"

I passed this giant piece of limestone sitting out in front of a subdivision in Ormond Beach.

Supersaturated Street Views - Music Video Edition

If you search Google Street Views on this blog you'll see how long I've been fascinated (obsessed) with this aspect of Google's Total Domination of the Earth. They own my email, this blog, YouTube and the street I live on.

This video combines my one-guitar, one-voice rendition of the very dark American Blues classic "Dock of the Bay" with images of the San Francisco area as seen on Google Street Views, with the saturation pumped up a bunch to give it a dreamy quality. (Assuming you dream in color.) I found the mundane, the sublime, the silly and the sad just by dropping that little yellow man onto the map and moving him up and down the streets of this great American city, trying to frame each scene just so. I've only been to SF a few times, but I was captivated, just like most people who visit that very unique Golden State town. Now I feel like I've been there again.

If I get 1 million views of this video, I might just ride my bike from Orlando to San Francisco in support of some worthy cause, perhaps homeless veterans. I figure it'll take a little over a month. ('Course I'm gonna need a few sponsors, like a motel chain and a restaurant chain, probably a bike shop as well.) If not, I might attempt to sell this song or video on iTunes and try to get enough money to fix the roof, because it's leaking. If the estate of Otis Redding or the monolithic monster Google come after me, I'll jump from that bridge when I come to it. Short of that, just enjoy. And for best results, please crank it up.

Ads That Work In Spite of Themselves

Every Sunday morning I flip through the Times magazine in search of blog fodder; an ad that I can praise or mock. Fashion ads are easy targets. (See here.) But this morning, a busily designed ad kept me staring for a long time. (Click image for very large.) On the surface this is throwaway crap, if your idea of a good ad means pretty photography and limited copy. But the more you study it, the more intriguing it becomes.

It starts, strangely, with the words "Om Sai Ram" in the upper left corner. I had to look that one up. It's a spiritual greeting used by followers of Sai Baba, a South Indian guru. Then we have the very generic headline "The Million Dollar Look," and the equally bland subhead, "Dress for Success." Then some copy telling men that if they want to be successful, they should have these custom clothes by Hong Kong Grand by William Sani. And your mind goes, "Oh, a Hong Kong tailor, like in my grandfather's day, when people who could afford to went to Hong Kong to get custom-fitted for a suit." Hong Kong tailored suits were some sort of badge of success, and people who wore them would not be shy in telling you where they came from. I'm sure guys still do this. William Sani is from Orange County, California though, and that's him on the far left dressed as a 1960s British banker, and again second from right, as James Bond. His son is the little man second from left. No clue on who the guy far right is, but he's got a phone to his ear, and that spells success. Here's William's Facebook and here's his website, where you can also see his wife, daughter and the family dog. I assume that the cityscape behind the men is Hong Kong. Then William gives you his "direct cellphone" number, inviting you to call him for an appointment. (In a later mention of his cellphone, he gives hours that you can call, but fails to mention a time zone.) Or you can get in touch at one of his two AOL email accounts.

Then we get to the catalog-styled portion of the ad, which forces the suit-buying man to study it to see which package he would prefer, compare prices and offers. Is he a President, a CFO, a CEO? Just how successful does he want to be?

Then, the nationwide barnstorming tour dates of Mr. Sani are offered, where in less than a month he will visit 21 hotels, racking up some serious Marriott Rewards points and presumably meeting and measuring the suit-buying public for their successful clothes made in Hong Kong. He asks that you call him the day you want an appointment. Scheduling is apparently not Mr. Sani's thing. Day to day, city to city, Marriott to Marriott. Then I guess he sends those measurements to Hong Kong, where his team of seamstresses whip up your order and ship it to you. Then, at the party, you constantly but casually, as if by accident or searching for your pen, reveal the inside of the left breast pocket to display that telling Hong Kong Grand label.
 
It's not hard to find former customers of Hong Kong Grand who were deeply disappointed in what they received for their money, but Mr. Sani has apparently been doing full-pagers like this for quite some time. So he knows what he's doing, at least as an advertiser. I suppose his suite at the Marriott will be a revolving door of men hoping to look successful, Mr. Sani in shirtsleeves and tape measure, ordering up lunch from room service.

To finish off the piece, we get something you never see. The ad's designer signs his work at the very bottom, even offering his phone number.

If nothing else, an intriguing ad. And it's probably working.

Mad Men - Unbuttoned

Mad Men Unbuttoned is, according to the publisher,  "a reader's companion to the show, a discursive look at American history during the mid century, and tasty eye candy." But that description doesn't really cut it. I'll try to do you one better.

The book is by journalist and advertising fan Natasha Vargas-Cooper, formerly the main voice behind Public School Intelligentsia, one of my favorite blogs before it was put out to pasture. She has written for Gawker and Huffington Post, among other publications, and is now a frequent contributor to The Awl. She is also, and this is putting it mildly, a serious student of Mad Men. Better yet, she is the professor of Mad Men. This book should be a textbook in advertising schools, but even for a casual fan of the show, it's a thoughtful journey into the transformative era in which the show takes place, covering everything from decor to literature, politics to sex. As an example of the depth of NVC's research (and an example of her out-of-control obsession with the show), she has an entry in here on what drives Sally Draper's grade school teacher to be such an idealist and why she bothers to attempt to get to the bottom of Sally's "acting out," citing books of the era that influenced young teachers. She even explains why Bert Cooper's office is decorated in an Asian theme. I just thought he was an eccentric old coot. After reading just a few entries, you get a better sense of how carefully crafted Mad Men is, revealing layers of the show that might otherwise appear superficial.

But what book about Mad Men would be complete without full-page color ads from the era, and bunches of them? It is also a history of the theories of advertising, and of the ad giants behind those theories, from Burnett to Ogilvy. I was honored to have been asked to write a short essay about a Bernie Fuchs illustration for the book. I got my galley in the mail yesterday. I'm looking forward to reading what @natashavc has put together. I just started it and have already come across a quote from the man behind Copyranter and an essay by Tim Siedell, better known as Bad Banana.

If you like the show, pre-order the book. If you know a fan of the show, buy it for them. If you teach advertising, make all of your students read it. In the author's words, it is for Mad Men fans, design junkies, history buffs and pop-culture enthusiasts. I'm sure you fall into at least one of those categories.

Larry King's Forthcoming Sex Tape (and Everything Tastes Like Chicken)

It was my pleasure to hang out for an hour or so yesterday with Bill Green of Make The Logo Bigger, the most prolific, insightful and WTF-inist blogger in our industry, and Her Excellency, the excellent expatriate Angela Natividad, of Live and Uncensored, on the 28th edition of AdVerve.

We hardly touched on industry news, which was fine with me, but strayed into just about everything else. Though I've never personally met either of these fine people, it was like having lunch with old friends. At a very large table that stretches from Paris to Bridgeport to Orlando. If Bill could add some restaurant sound effects to the podcast, you'd never know we weren't all in the same room, such is the clarity of Skype. Sometimes. When it decides to work. But such are the inconveniences of free stuff. As Bill's Skype profile reads, "Everything is amazing and no one is happy. Take Skype for example." (Angela's reads, "I have some wonderful hams for you.")

While I'm pretty sure no one even listens to podcasts anymore (JOKE, guys, though I gave up on my own in 2006 and predicted the death of the corporate podcast in 2007) you can download or stream Angela and Bill's "AdVerve" over at their site. And even though I likely come across as a cynical bastard with a grim outlook, I would happily do it again.

Keith Stone: The Smoothest Slacker in the Neighborhood

Taking a cue from what "The Most Interesting Man in the World" did for Dos Equis, Keystone gives us a hero for a younger crowd. The director told the actor, "Need you to be Jack Black, with that over-the-top, deadpan confidence, smarmy and funny all at once," and the guy executed the role well. Many great moments in this :30, from, "Hold my stones," to the revelation of what it is he's rescuing from the tree. The guy even wears a Member's Only^TM style jacket. A nice effort for a beer that many regard as piss. But that's what advertising is about in many cases; putting a glossy coat of paint on something that is sub-par and getting guys to buy it. I can hear "Hold my stones" being repeated at many a frat party.

Welcome to the Jungle (Or "Coffee with a Gator")

There was an 8-footer out in the backyard this morning. I joined him for some coffee at a safe distance. We were both bedheaded and groggy. Acoustic cover of the G&R tune is by Brent Truitt.

Some People Should Stand When They Talk

Peeps Aflame (Or "The Flaming Peeps")

I dunno. It felt inspired at the time. Damned Peeps in their Pure Sugar Evil sitting on the kitchen counter post-Easter, mocking Easter and Jesus and all that is holy, just asking to be toasted in the flames from whence they came.

Showed them.

Your MOM is Redundant! (Number 2)

OK, so I surprised myself and actually continued a proposed series of homemade comics.

(Make the image bigger by clicking. Duh.)

Your MOM is Redundant!

A new series, wherein I will highlight some job, technology or industry that refuses to die. (Who am I kidding? This will probably be the only one in the series.) 

(Click for better legibility.)

A Love That Won't Die

Can't say I wasn't pleased that the writers of 24 are back to their old ways, killing off anyone who gets too close to Jack Bauer. Agent Renee Walker was one of those screen presences that just begs for a bullet. And now Jack will be one mean mofo for the remainder of the final season. This makes about the fourth or fifth love interest of the lead character who has met her end due to Jack's job. Match.com could try a cross-promotion.

Damn

The line that gets me comes from the man who stares into the camera at the :20 mark and says, "I'm fine found." Makes donating your old clothing and dropping a couple bills into the pot around the Holidays seem very worthwhile. This is some powerful :30. Nothing like a testimonial, and I assume, perhaps naively, that these testimonials are real.

Some Outtakes From The Previous Post

I'm calling this one, "Game Over," in which my dog, tired of catching a Frisbee for the camera, puts an end to the play.

Presenting: "Where's My Jetpack?" The Song and The Video

Or: Unemployment Will Make a Man do Weird Things, Part III.

I've put together a song - and a video to go along with it, and I really like how they both turned out. (You're free not to.) It's called, not surprisingly, "Where's My Jetpack?" I went ahead and created a jetpack of sorts for this video. Don't try this at home. Or do. It was a load of fun.

Much thanks go to the phenomenally talented Professor Fred Leo, musician extraordinaire, for his expert advice during the creation of the audio track.


Enjoy...or don't.

Where's My Jetpack? from Radio Free Babylon on Vimeo.

Using the Facebook Vimeo embed here since the sound quality of YouTube leaves much to be desired.

Also, any perceived homage to ancient rockers from Boston is entirely intentional. Best to turn it up loud.  

Respect The Food (I Like an Ad)

I do not like mushrooms, unless they're shitaki, and grilled to a delicate crisp with lots of tangy marinade, disguising their once slimy and sickening texture.

But this photograph of a mushroom is awesome. And so is the headline. And the simple copy. And the simple call to action. The ad quietly conveys that SubZero is THE name in refrigeration, deserved or not. Microscopic Freshness is the message. (Easy financing available to qualified buyers.)

Locals Only: Let the Air Duct Cleaner Wars Begin!

It's Springtime! And that means quite a lot to the free magazine publishers who fill their pages with atrocious ads designed in-house by landscapers, pool cleaners, driveway resurfacers and these guys, the people who clean your air ducts so you don't die from allergens in your home's atmosphere. The following three ads were only pages apart from one another in the same issue of some sad rag that I only bothered to skim through to find bloggable material.

Companies A and B, below, both opted for the "Don't Let Your Little Girl Suffer" route, with toddlers in misery because their Mommys and Daddys don't care about them. The first attempts to do the "green" thing, adding the recycle symbol to the upper left. For what purpose is anyone's guess. I think they lose points for not explaining that, throwing it in as a stupid hook that might fool someone. Price point difference is only $1, so it's your call as to which little girl makes you feel the guiltiest. (Click images for larger.)

But Company C, below, is the winner for me. Not only is their price $3 less than the cheapest one above, but they are also "Organic"! Needless to say, their choice of imagery is far superior, going the "Nuclear Fallout at a Post-Apocalyptic Family Dinner" route.

Fashion Ads Made Easy

(Click image for hugeness.) Are you considering attending a community college to get your Associate's degree in fashion marketing? Perhaps you are taking bids from ad agencies to create your next two-page spread for your summer collection. Well, either one of those endeavors would be a huge waste of money and time. All you need is internet access, Photoshop, maybe a digital camera and a cheaply paid model or two.

You start with a location, preferably somewhere desolate, abandoned and fairly ugly. In this instance we've chosen an old, defunct gas station location stolen from someone's Picasa account. Other popular locations include barns, alleys, deserts and beaches. If you go with a beach location, make sure the day is gloomy and overcast. Next, do an image search for "sullen" or something equally unhappy and you will come up with someone like our model in the foreground. ("Somber" also works.) She is not modeling your clothing, and that is perfectly fine. She is there to make the viewer say "What the hell?" A hint of skin is essential. If not, he or she should be completely covered, perhaps in a burka, adding to the "Huh?" factor.

Now you are ready to feature your product. In this instance, we will assume it's the man's coat. Or his shoes. Doesn't matter in the least. Unless you are creating in-store posters for Target or Wal-Mart, it is absolutely essential that your models be forbidden to smile. While most fashion models should be fairly practiced at the unsmiling pose, we want total authenticity. It is often helpful if you berate him or her, telling them things that will hurt a model's feelings, such as, "Damnit! I wanted a slim model!" or "Holy crap! I asked for "sexy guy" and they send me YOU?" Your product need not be featured upfront, in fact, it is best if it is not. Oftentimes, you may choose to not even show your product, which is fine. We are setting a mood, creating an illusion, and sometimes your product simply ruins the ad.

You may wonder if you need a headline now. No, you do not. What are you going to say? Something clever, mysterious or hip? Don't try it. All you need now is your fashion line's name, very large. And it is key that the first and last letters of the name extend out of the ad's frame. Then bring down the opacity of the name.

Congratulations, you are now a fashion ad designer.

Skype Spek

I've learned to love Skype, the telecommuter's dream, the satellite office's lifeline, the podcast producer's best friend. They need better ads. (Do they even place ads?)

Original 1964 ad from Bell Telephone System is here.

Previous Skype-related posts.

Another Marine Corps Recruiting Spec Ad

Duty, Honor, Country, Pride. These are certainly noble and good reasons to sign up, but I'm of the opinion that the Armed Services could switch it up a little, maybe incorporate some taunting in their recruiting efforts. I think what inspired this spec ad was seeing yet another weasely weasel-boy wearing some shirt proclaiming his allegiance to one side or the other in the rehashed, retreaded and retarded pirate/ninja debate. (Click for large)

Previously in "The Marines Need a New Angle."
Hey, Fatbody! Lose Some Weight.

131 Down - 3 To Go

Space Shuttle Discovery this morning, on mission STS-131, as seen from 70 miles to the west. (Click for very large.)

Puppies, Kittens, Unicorns and Rainbows

Continuing with today's theme of randomly juxtaposed imagery in greeting cards, I whipped this one up for All The Children of the World^TM. May your day be filled with chocolate and plastic eggs with cash inside.  

Happy Easter (or Your Favorite Pagan Fertility Festival)

Will It Blend?

UPDATE: Correction: Yes it will blend, if you first break it in half.

Super Saturated Street Scenes - Easter Edition

One of my more random hobbies is Google Street Views. Just drag that little yellow guy onto any map and it's never the same. In this limited edition print, Jesus returns to East Harlem, helping out where he sees need, while somewhere on the other side of the country the militias cry out, "What about our needs, Jesus?"(Click for large.)

I've done my share of virtual travel via Google Street Views.

Another Study Confirms What You Already Knew

Turns out junk food is as addictive as cocaine, heroin and nicotine.

(Duh. I've been saying this for over three years. Why do you think they call it "junk" ...man?)

I don't know how they animate to current events so fast, but  watch the new South Park episode where one subplot has Cartman taking over a KFC smuggling operation in Colorado. (There are also some very current Vatican-pedophile jokes strewn throughout.)

Stephen Colbert was all over it a couple nights ago. "In your face, Jamie Oliver!"

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